Not Bitter
I don’t know how many of you are football fans, but in a house of boys, in Michigan, when it’s football season - it’s always on here.
And if you caught the end of the Michigan vs. Western Michigan game last week, you know how quickly the tide can turn.
If you didn’t, allow me a tiny bit of backstory…
Western Michigan, the huge underdog, had dominated much of the game. Michigan had one final drive to try to pull off the win, and on what appeared to be the last play of the game, Michigan's quarterback, Bryce Underwood, threw a Hail Mary that fell incomplete.
The clock showed zero. Western Michigan had won.
Except…they hadn’t.
After a replay review, officials determined that the clock had been off by one second. Michigan got another shot - and this time, they completed the Hail Mary for the touchdown and won the game 13 - 12.
Talk about a gut punch.
I felt terrible for the Western Michigan players. They had played an incredible game, were seconds away from one of the biggest upsets in the program’s history, and then watched the whole thing seemingly disappear.
But then, later in the week, my husband shared a few quotes from Western Michigan head coach Lance Taylor.
And instead of feeling sorry for them, I felt inspired.
Because his attitude was remarkable.
He could have blamed the officials.
He could have talked about the unfairness of the situation.
He could have spent the week replaying that final second over and over again.
And honestly? Who could have blamed him?
Instead, he said:
“If we make the mistake of making an excuse, it allows us to be bitter instead of getting better.”
That stopped me.
Bitter instead of better.
Isn’t that a choice we all face sometimes?
Not necessarily because we are choosing to be negative or difficult. But because something happens that feels unfair.
A doctor doesn’t have the answers we hoped for.
Your body isn't responding the way you think it should.
You didn't get the promotion.
Someone else got the opportunity you wanted.
You worked hard and the scale didn't move.
You did “everything right” and still ended up dealing with something you never asked for.
And it is incredibly easy to get stuck asking:
Why me?
Whose fault is this?
Why isn't this easier?
Why can't things just go the way they are supposed to?
Sometimes those are completely legitimate questions.
But if we stay there too long, they don't actually help us move forward. They turn our attention toward what we cannot control. And that is where the victim trap can sneak in.
Now, before anyone gets upset with me over the word “victim,” let me explain what I mean.
There are absolutely situations where people are victims of things they did not cause and could not control. I'm not talking about blaming people for circumstances that genuinely aren't their fault.
I'm talking about what happens AFTER something difficult happens.
Though we may not get to choose what happens to us… we often get to choose what we do next. And that choice can change the trajectory.
Your attitude doesn't change reality. It changes your response to reality.
There is actually some interesting science behind this.
Research consistently finds relationships between optimism, expectations, self-efficacy and health behaviors. A 2026 meta-analysis found that positive expectations, particularly optimism and hope, were significantly associated with healthier behaviors.
And another large meta-analysis recently looked at more than 200 experimental tests and found that interventions that changed attitudes and self-efficacy produced changes in health intentions and, importantly, actual health behaviors.
Beyond that, research on optimism and physical health has found an association between greater optimism and better physical health outcomes.
Notice what I said there:
Association.
This doesn't mean that if you just “think positive,” you will never get sick, never struggle and never experience setbacks.
That isn't how life works.
Optimism isn't denial.
It isn't pretending everything is wonderful when it isn't.
And it definitely isn't putting a cute inspirational quote over a very real problem and calling it fixed.
Instead, I think healthy optimism looks more like this:
This happened.
I don't like it.
I may not understand it.
But what can I do from here?
That is a very different question.
I have had to practice this myself.
For example, I could be bitter that my doctor doesn't know how to help me with all of the changes that came with menopause.
I could blame her.
Or I could blame the medical school she attended.
Or the general lack of menopause education in traditional medical training.
Or the medical system, western societal stigmas surrounding it...
Or any number of other things.
And honestly, there are some very real problems with how menopause has historically been taught and treated.
But none of that gets me closer to feeling better.
So instead, I've spent the last several years learning.
I've been taking coursework to better understand how menopause changes hormones, how those changes can affect the body, and how nutrition, exercise, lifestyle and, when appropriate, supplementation or medical treatment can support health during this transition.
I'm not saying I should have to become my own doctor.
I'm saying I decided that being frustrated wasn't going to be my only strategy.
I could either spend my energy being angry about what I wasn't getting… or use that energy to learn what I could do next.
And that choice has made a huge difference.
Just this morning, I read about an 82-year-old man who deadlifts more than 400 pounds.
Now, I realize that sentence probably got your attention.
It certainly got mine.
This 82-year-old man began strength training in his early 70s after being diagnosed with mild osteoporosis and sarcopenia.
When he started at his local strength program for seniors, he weighed around 154 pounds and could reportedly deadlifted only 65 pounds his first session.
He began training consistently with a trainer three days a week. And now, years later, the article stated that he deadlifted 455 pounds.
But the part that really caught my attention wasn't the number on the bar. It was what happened between those two numbers.
He didn't look at osteoporosis and sarcopenia and say, “Well, I guess this is just what happens when you get old.”
He did something about it.
He trained.
He learned.
He progressed.
He kept showing up.
And his body responded.
That is the part I wish more people understood about health.
Your current circumstances are information. They are not necessarily your final outcome.
Maybe you have lost muscle.
Maybe your bones aren't as strong as you'd like.
Maybe your energy has tanked.
Maybe your hormones are changing.
Maybe you've gained weight.
Maybe your joints hurt.
Maybe you've tried to change your habits a dozen times and haven't been able to make them stick.
Those things matter.
But they don't automatically tell you what is possible next.
So how do we actually change our attitude?
This is where I think we sometimes make behavior change harder than it needs to be.
We wait to feel motivated.
We wait to feel positive.
We wait hoping we will naturally become the person who makes better choices.
But attitude is something we can practice.
It starts with intention.
Then practice.
Then repetition.
And yes…sometimes failing miserably and trying again.
This is actually one of the reasons I built the “Align & Stabilize Framework” into my online program, The Revitalize Method™.
Because I don't believe lasting change happens by simply knowing what you should do.
We have to connect attitude and action.
First, we align, our thoughts, expectations, priorities and choices, with where we want to go.
Then we stabilize - with the habits, strategies and consistent actions that help us actually get there.
You can have the best intentions in the world, but if your actions don't support them, nothing changes.
And you can take action all day long, but if your mindset is constantly telling you that you can't, shouldn't, or won't succeed, eventually that becomes exhausting, too.
Alignment gives your actions direction.
Action gives your intentions traction.
So what does that look like in real life?
1. Separate the facts from the story.
The fact might be: I gained 10 pounds.
The story might be: I have no discipline. I'll never lose it. My metabolism is broken. I'm getting old.
Those are not the same thing.
Start with what you actually know. Then ask: What am I assuming?
2. Ask, What is within my control?
You may not control your diagnosis.
You may not control another person's behavior.
You may not control what your doctor knows.
You may not control the scale from one day to the next.
But you can often control the next meal.
The next workout.
The phone call.
The question you ask.
The appointment you make.
The decision to go for a walk instead of staying on the couch.
Small things count.
3. Replace Why is this happening to me? with What can I learn from this?
This one can be uncomfortable.
But it moves you from helplessness toward curiosity.
And curiosity creates options.
4. Look for evidence that you can change.
This is especially important when your brain is telling you that you've “always been this way.”
Think back.
When have you done something hard?
When have you made a change?
When have you stuck with something longer than you thought you could?
Those experiences are evidence.
Use them.
5. Focus on the next step, not the entire staircase.
You don't have to figure out how you're going to lose 30 pounds.
You don't have to know how you're going to become stronger six months from now.
You don't have to solve your entire health situation today.
You just need to figure out what comes next.
One step.
Then another.
Then another.
Because that is how change actually happens.
Get better, not bitter.
I don't know what is going on in your life right now.
Maybe things are going beautifully.
Maybe you're in the middle of a season that feels incredibly unfair.
Maybe you're somewhere in between.
But whatever you're facing, I hope you remember the lesson Lance Taylor gave his football team:
Don't let an excuse become a place to live.
You can acknowledge that something wasn't fair.
You can be disappointed.
You can be angry.
You can grieve what you hoped would happen.
And then…
You can decide what you're going to do next.
Because your attitude won't magically change the circumstances.
But it can change your response. And your response determines your next action.
And your next action... repeated over time, can change an awful lot!
That's really what I mean when I talk about “Align & Stabilize.”
Align your attitude with what matters and where you want to go.
Then stabilize that alignment through action.
Not perfectly.
Not all at once.
But consistently.
So this week, when something doesn't go the way you wanted, pause before you ask:
Why me?
Try asking:
Okay. This is where I am. What can I do from here?
Then take the next step.
And the next.
And the next.
We're not trying to create a perfect life.
We're learning how to create a better response to, and a better outcome for, the life we're given.
Keep Shining,
Kim
