Hurts more than you think...
Years ago, when I packed up my life and moved to Los Angeles to pursue acting, I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was walking into.
I knew it would be competitive.
What I wasn't prepared for was walking into audition after audition to find myself sitting in a room with fifty other women who looked... remarkably like me.
Curly brown hair.
Hazel Eyes
Similar height.
Similar build.
We were all there hoping to say the same two lines for the same tiny role.
At first, I did what so many of us do.
I compared.
She was thinner.
She had brighter eyes.
She had a better smile.
Maybe if I lost five more pounds...
Maybe if I changed my hair...
Maybe if I looked a little more like "her"...
But something interesting happened after I actually started booking work.
When I was fortunate enough to be on set alongside some of the lead actors and actresses that everyone admired and wanted to look like - I discovered something you don't see in the audition room or on the TV.
Hollywood often rewards a body image that isn't realistic, or even healthy. Many of them worked incredibly hard, just to maintain that expected body image, and some went too far. They say the camera adds 10–15 pounds, and while that saying isn't exact, the pressure to appear exceptionally thin on screen is very real.
It changed my perspective.
Working with them, I realized that although their body may have fit the stereotype, it not what got them hired.
What did get them hired was the energy they brought into the room.
Their confidence.
Their kindness.
Their professionalism.
Their ability to make everyone around them feel better.
That spark.
And that's true far beyond Hollywood.
Comparison steals our joy.
It convinces us we're behind.
Not enough.
Too old.
Too heavy.
Too late.
But here's the truth...
Your healthiest body will never look exactly like someone else's.
Your genetics are different.
Your life is different.
Your story is different.
The goal isn't to become the healthiest version of someone else.
It's to become the healthiest version of "you".
Because healthy looks different on every woman.
It isn't found in an airbrushed magazine cover or a perfectly filtered social media feed.
It's found in having the energy to play with your grandchildren.
In climbing the stairs without getting winded.
In sleeping through the night.
In feeling strong enough to carry your groceries, travel confidently, and enjoy your life.
That's the body worth working toward.
And there's another kind of comparison that's just as damaging.
The comparison that causes women to compete with or undercut each other instead of cheering each other on. Whether it stems from a mindset of scarcity instead of abundance, jealousy or outside societal pressure, it is always harmful.
One of my dear friends, Deb Allen, has just released a wonderful new book called *Flipping the B.I.T.C.H. Switch*, and I love the message behind it.
It's about choosing encouragement over criticism, collaboration over competition, and lifting one another higher instead of tearing each other down - looking inside to find your own voice, resilience and strength and using that to live and serve each other authentically - because every woman deserves to know her own worth. The book is designed not only to read but to work through together, making it perfect for book clubs and small groups.
If you're in the Traverse City area, Deb is hosting a book signing this coming Wednesday at the City Opera House. If you're not local, I still highly recommend adding this one to your reading list. You can learn more and find details about the book and upcoming events here:
This week, instead of comparing yourself to someone else's highlight reel...
Celebrate one thing your body allows you to do.
And celebrate another woman, too.
Because there is enough room for all of us to shine.
xoxo,
Kim
