Maybe It's a Warning Sign...
I recently read an article that promised to give seven strategies for managing anger.
And honestly? I was intrigued.
Because let's face it… Sometimes it doesn't take much.
One more email.
One more person asking, “Mom, where is my…?”
One more thing added to the schedule.
The dog needs out.
Someone forgot something.
Your coffee is cold.
You haven't eaten since breakfast.
You slept terribly.
And suddenly, the tiny little thing that normally wouldn't bother you becomes the thing that sends you over the edge.
SNAP!
And then you think, “Where the heck did THAT come from?”
The article was geared toward women, particularly women who may be navigating the hormonal shifts of midlife, and it made some really good points about how overstimulation, lack of self-care and the pace of modern life can add up.
But here's where I got a little frustrated.
The article was supposed to give seven strategies to help, but after the first few, the categories weren't really laid out clearly or explained in much detail.
So I started thinking about it...
And I decided to take the ideas that resonated with me, expand on them, and create my own seven categories of things I believe can help us to not only manage anger and reactivity, but also create a much better internal environment for everyday life.
Because as I was reading the article, here's what really struck me:
The things that help us manage anger are also the things that help us become more “regulated and resourced.”
That's the state where we have more capacity to think clearly.
To make better decisions
Stay motivated.
Learn.
Be creative.
Handle the unexpected.
Problem-solve.
Be optimistic and actually work toward our goals.
In other words…
It's the state where we're much better equipped to “show up for our own lives.”
So here's my strategy list.
1. Sleep
This one isn't glamorous. It's not a fancy supplement, a new workout or a 47-step morning routine.
It's sleep.
When you're exhausted, everything feels harder. Your patience gets shorter. Your cravings can get louder. Your ability to handle stress gets smaller.
And that tiny inconvenience?
Suddenly it feels like a personal attack from the universe.
Sleep is foundational.
So rather than simply saying, “I need to sleep more,” create a boundary around it.
What time do you need to start winding down?
What can you stop doing at night?
What could you move off your plate?
What would make getting to bed 30 minutes earlier more realistic?
Sometimes taking care of yourself starts with saying:
Nope. I'm going to bed.
2. Time Alone for Quiet & Grounding
This one is HUGE.
And I don't mean scrolling your phone while sitting in the bathroom. (Although…I’m not judging. 😂)
I mean actual time where you aren't taking in someone else's thoughts, opinions, notifications, news or entertainment.
No podcast.
No social media.
No email.
Not even a book.
Just some time to be, with yourself.
This is the piece I think we often underestimate. Because when you're constantly consuming information and responding to everyone else's needs, you don't have much opportunity to hear your own thoughts.
Time alone creates space for quiet.
Which in turn creates an opportunity for grounding.
Go outside.
Take a walk without your earbuds.
Sit on the porch with your coffee.
Look at the trees.
Breathe.
Notice what you hear.
Notice what you feel.
Take time to process and sometimes the answer you’ve been trying to force simply show up when you finally stop feeding your brain more information.
The clarity you've been looking for might not require another podcast, book, expert or Google search.
Sometimes it requires “less input.”
3. Movement
Exercise isn't just about burning calories, changing your body or checking something off your list.
Movement changes how you feel.
It helps reduce stress, improve energy, build strength and it gives your brain a much-needed shift - endorphins are powerful medicine!
And that medicine doesn't require an hour at the gym.
Just a quick walk.
Ten minutes of strength training.
Mobility.
Dancing in your kitchen.
Whatever gets you moving.
The goal isn't punishment.
It's creating a body and nervous system that are better equipped to handle your life.
4. Nutrition
This is another one that seems ridiculously simple, and yet it is so easy to let everything else happen first.
The meeting happens.
The kids happen.
The errands happen.
The emails happen.
And suddenly it's 2:00 PM and you're standing in the kitchen thinking, “I wonder if three handfuls of almonds counts as lunch?”
Your body needs consistent fuel.
Protein.
Fiber.
Whole foods.
Enough food.
Hydration.
The basics matter.
And one of the best things you can do is make good nutrition the thing that happens no matter what else does.
Not perfect nutrition.
Whatever else happens on top of it that day…
A drink with friends
A slice of birthday cake
The date night fancy dinner
Etc..
Just consistently put the good things in first and make sure you are nourishing yourself.
5. Planning & Organization
This was one of my favorite ideas from the article!
Having a system to catch and automate all that external busy work that creates a mental load is invaluable.
Instead of keeping everything on a giant mental, ore even physical to-do list, use your calendar.
If something needs to happen Thursday at 2:00, put it on your calendar.
Then let it go until Thursday at 2:00.
Because your brain doesn't need to spend the next three days reminding you:
Don't forget to call the dentist.
Don't forget to order the thing.
Don't forget to send that email.
Don't forget…
Put it somewhere you trust.
Your calendar becomes the external brain.
And your brain gets to do something much more useful.
Like think.
Create.
Problem solve.
Or remember where you put your keys.
6. Clear Communication & Boundaries
Sometimes the answer isn't doing more.
Sometimes it's communicating better.
One of the principles Steven Covey made famous is:
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
I love this because good communication isn't just about making sure your needs are heard. It's also about making sure you understand what the other person needs, expects or is trying to communicate.
So often, frustration and resentment come from assumptions.
You think they know what you need.
They think you know what they need.
Nobody actually says it out loud.
And then everyone gets frustrated when things don't go the way they expected.
Sometimes a simple conversation can prevent a whole lot of unnecessary stress:
What do you need from me?
Here's what I need from you.
Can we talk about how we're going to handle this?
I thought you meant ___.
Oh! That's not what I meant at all.
Clear communication creates clarity.
And clarity makes it much easier for everyone to work together, solve problems and move through life without constantly stepping on each other's toes.
But communication also means being willing to voice what you need.
I can't take that on right now.
I need some time to think about it.
I can help, but not today.
I need you to handle this.
I need some quiet time when I get home.
Your needs matter too.
Boundaries aren't about keeping people out or making everyone else accommodate you. They're about being honest about what you can give, what you need, and what works for you.
Because when you consistently say yes when you mean no…
Eventually your nervous system may decide to say NO for you.
And it may use a slightly louder voice.
Good communication and healthy boundaries create clarity and understanding that everyone has a better chance of getting their needs met—and things simply go more smoothly.
7. Community & Support
And finally…
We aren't meant to do all of this alone.
We need people.
People who listen.
People who encourage us.
People who make us laugh.
People who remind us who we are when we're tired and have temporarily forgotten.
Support isn't weakness.
It's part of being human.
And in our increasingly technical, increasingly isolated world, we tend to forget…
Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is sit down with someone who makes you feel safe enough to exhale.
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This is the part I really want you to take away today….
Sleep.
Take time alone, let the world become quiet and listen to your own thoughts.Use movement and nutrition to your advantage.Plan ahead and only keep the important things on your plate.Listen, communicate and spend time connecting with others.
These aren't simply strategies for preventing yourself from snapping at the person who left the empty toilet paper roll on the holder.
They're strategies for creating capacity.
Capacity to think.
Capacity to respond instead of react.
Capacity to stay motivated.
Capacity to learn.
Capacity to handle stress.
Capacity to make better choices.
Capacity to pursue the things you say you want.
In other words…
Capacity to actually live the life you're trying so hard to create.
This is a big part of what we work on inside the “Align & Stabilize” pillar of The Revitalize Method ™. Because getting healthier isn't just about what happens during your workout.
It's about creating the foundation that allows you to consistently take care of yourself in the middle of your actual life.
Not your imaginary life where everyone cooperates, nobody needs anything from you, and dinner magically appears on the table.
Your real life.
The busy one.
The messy one.
The one where things don't always go according to plan.
So here's what I'd love for you to do this week:
Don't try to overhaul everything.
Pick ONE of these seven areas that could use a little more attention.
Maybe it's getting to bed earlier.
Maybe it's scheduling time alone.
Maybe it's putting your workouts on the calendar.
Maybe it's making sure protein and a real meal happen before you get to the point of eating the children's leftover crackers.
Maybe it's finally having the conversation you've been avoiding.
Maybe it's simply putting your phone down and sitting quietly for ten minutes.
Start there.
Because taking care of yourself isn't selfish.
And it isn't something you earn after everything else is done.
It is part of what makes everything else possible.
Keep Shining,
Kim
